Home...a few reflections and noticings.

So, one last blog, in case there are any hanger-on-ers who are dying to know what happened to me after I lamented about packing.



I got home nearly a month ago, and it has been wonderful. I was wondering if I would be bitter or frustrated or confused about the quick change of pace and life style. Honestly, I've had a really great transition. I am thankful.



America is great. At first, I was weirded out by how new, rectangular, clean, shiny, organized and quiet it was. I ran outside my first morning in Philly with my friend Alaina, and felt my first genuinely cool breeze with gentle sunlight. It was amazing. The roads looked wide and nearly boring. What especially got me was the PACE of Americans. In the airport I was shocked at how much information people were attempting to digest all at once-- ipod, reading, watching the news. I do not believe that all those can be done well at once, but there were many people trying!

I was amazed at my zen like patience with travel. I do not need to be constantly entertained anymore. I can sit through an 18 hr trip from Dhaka to Philly and barely notice that time has gone by. This was a surprise. I am less easily frustrated here when things do not go as expected. My sense of time and dates and being late is definately still Bengali style. It has kept me from feeling stressed out, I've just been going with the flow, visiting all my favorite people who I love... and I've been enjoying American food--pizza, fries, cold drinks, summer cookouts. Lake Michigan is still there and beautiful, and I've especially loved being able to go for a run and not get harassed, stared at, commented upon...barely noticed even. That is a good feeling. It is great not to feel like a celebrity anymore. I've been cooking alot, baking some, taking long walks. Noticing things. Life is good. I have a different sense of what America is like, because I have new eyes through which to see it. I do not fear forgetting this past year with all the adventures, learnings and amazing people, I am excited to see how it will shape the future.

In about 2 weeks I begin the Mdiv/MSW program at Western Seminary in Holland, MI. I am excited to learn about Theology, Ministry and Social Work. I am looking forward to becoming part of the seminary community.

I don't think I'll be blogging like this anymore..I'll be writing in other ways maybe electronically, maybe not. We'll see.

For now, it is just really good to be home.

Peace to you all.
Cicely

because i don't feel like packing

Random 8
Rebs JH tagged me-good thing I read her blog, b/c she didn't tell me she tagged me. (normally I don't do these things...or respond to forwards that promise 7 years of good luck and weight loss if you send it to 89,000 other people) Now that we're clear that I NEVER do this here are my random facts.

1. I have to post these rules before I give you the facts.
2. Each player starts with eight random facts/habits about themselves.
3. People who are tagged need to write their own blog about their eight things and post these rules.
4. At the end of your blog, you need to choose eight people to get tagged and list their names.
5. Don’t forget to leave them a comment telling them they’re tagged, and to read your blog.

---------------------
1. Currently reading, "The Alchemist" by Paul Coelho. Just finished, " The God of Small Things" by Arundhati Roy, "The Namesake" by Jhumpa Lahiri ( and I hear there is a movie based on this book, which I want to see)
and "A Thousand Splendid Suns" by Khaled Hosseini --I've had a ton of time to read in Bangladesh and have discoverd some new authors from Asia. I've also enjoyed reading stories that are set in Muslim countries. I have had a new level of understanding and while reading and can picture exactly what the authors are describing and some of the words are the same as some Bangla words, they all have roots in sanskrit. It's pretty cool.

2. I am in love with Convents. I don't know if this will ever go away. You should go to one sometime. Don't try to "do" anything while you are there. Just go.

3. I only got to see the Taj Mahal for 3 Minutes last week. Ask me to tell you the story later.

4. I am a stomach sleeper. I hear this is bad for your back. It doesn't seem to be bad for mine. and I only have a one inch matress and a pillow as hard as a brick right now.

5. Last week one of my highlights from India was seeing Sikh's (the ones with turbans that never cut their hair and that carry swords) making music at the Golden Temple, with instruments I have never seen before, singing in an otherworldly way.

6. I am a member of the Traveling Shirt Club. But the Traveling Shirt never made it to Bangladesh. (beth tried though, it's waiting for me in PA :) )

7. I once made all my housemates dance to Ace of Bace's "I saw the Sign" (which found its way onto the House CD)

8. A conversation with a shop owner vying for my attention, in India (he was following us and being pesky) Man: Hello. Me: Hello. (picking up the pace and trying to look intent on something) Man: Where are you from? Me: Turkey. Man: I want to talk with you. Me: I do not have time to talk with you. Man: Do you mind? Me: Yes, I mind. (walking even faster) Man: "I have no mind." Me: uprorious laughter.


I am tagging: Miriam, Alaina, Reba, Robin and Emily...

a few words

back from india....too exhausted to say much of anything but here are a few words and phrases to describe the last few weeks and the transition i am anticipating in coming home.

-amazed and the dance of differences between cultures..india and bangladesh.
-wondering if I'll ever be able to speak and write in english without so many spelling and grammar errors. even though i've been teaching english...i forget a lot of which phrases people use, how to spell words, how to use prepositions (my brother, a member of the grammar police will not be happy about this and will have all kinds of fun correcting me at first i am sure) what is normal to say, what american english sounds like--i haven't been in a room full of white americans in a loooong time.
-mmm. dosas. need to find a place in GR with Dosas.
-happy about coming home, not looking forward to saying goodbye to the Sisters and the kids at the mission.
-ugh. packing. how did i accumulate so much crap?
-i am SO ready not to be stared at and commented upon all the time.
-wondering how i'll be different. i don't know yet.
-thinking about how i can come back in the future for a visit.
-not wanting to leave the pace of Bangladeshi life behind. Don't want to get too busy. still want to drink cha and have lots of conversations with nobody looking at the clock. i'm still not going to wear a watch.
-looking forward to lake michigan...
-can't wait to see my friends.
-dark chocolate and red wine, on the harambee sunporch with katie and miriam, andrew and ruth..(as well as any other former members of harambee) listening to music sounds fantastic. or any of the above elements.
-happy alaina gets to pick me up in Philly. we also are going to have dark chocolate and red wine.
-thinking i will miss conversations that go like this: me, showing up somewhere: "hello." other person. "hello. do you want to come inside?". Me: "yes." other person. "okay, come in, have tea, have lunch." (that was at L'arche in Kolkata...)
-i really don't like transitions, but also trying to keep an open mind about this one.
-i might be socially awkward--which will probably be funny. hopefully to other people as well as myself.
-yikes. i have only a month and a little bit before I start school at Western Seminary. (not thinking about all the things yet that have to get done before then.)
-can't wait to see my grandma, other family members...and celebrate her 83rd birthday in ohio...
-yes. no open sewers, that i accidently fall in.
-mmm. real coffee. its amazing what you learn to do without.
-feels strange and makes me sad that i am leaving....and get to have my freedom back, while so many women here will never get a chance to know what that is like.
-feeling much less cynical. must be the blissful nostalgia taking over.
-wondering what this year will mean to me in the future.
-will miss each morning the sight of men holding babies...as they brush their teeth and watch the traffic go by..
-i'll miss the sisters a lot.
-i won't miss the humidity.
-will not miss these questions and phrases from random people on the street: "what is your country?" "do you speak bangla?" "i would like to introduce with you" "i would like to marry you and come to america" "hey sexy" (and worse, not appropriate for the blogger audience.) "are you married?" "why aren't you married?" "do you ever want to get married" (why do random people care about this?!) "my brother lives in america" (everyone's brother lives in america or the UK)
-i should be getting on another bus to mymensingh. a little sick at the moment....waiting it out.
-using water from the tap seems extravagant. (how do you spell that?)
-what will look super weird when i come back? what will i notice?

ah, another 10 days......

peace to you all....
Cicely

Old Dhaka...

A Harmonium in the making.

A nearly finished Harmonium.

Tabblas hanging from the ceiling.

Men making spice grinders.

The sky was so beautiful yesterday.

School boys stop for fuschka. Which also happens to be my favorite street food.

Beautiful women in saris move effortlessly through the streets.

On Hindu Street. When I first walked down this street 10 months ago, on my second day in Bangladesh, it completely overwhelmed me with all the stimuli. Now that I can speak some Bangla and know how to move without getting hit by a rickshaw it was a lot of fun yesterday. This street is really cool and feels so alive. Many instrument shops, jewelry shops, people hanging out drinking cha, Hindu temples. And we walked down it after it rained so it had a fresh cool feeling and the lighting was gorgeous.

a new little friend.

two new little friends.

Jackfruit, Bangladesh's national fruit

Carved conch shell bracelets. Wearing them on your wrists mean you are a married Hindu woman.

Lungis being delivered.

The streets in Old Dhaka are very narrow, and stacked high with shops, apartments, and people looking down on the busyness below.

Pink Palace. Very Colonial.

On Thursday I'll head to India; I'm looking forward to the trip.....

A Few Reflections For A Rainy Day...

My friend Alaina just told me I have only 33 days left in this place until I come back to the US. In some ways it feels like I just got here. I'm finally adjusted to life and I feel like I should stay because I've have established some roots and found Community here. Somehow I have learned to call this place home. In other ways it seems like this year would never end and I am breathing a sigh of relief that the time is almost here to go back to my own culture, friends and family. It's been a year like that...great and terrible...amazing and boring...intense while being laid back. It has produced unexpected reactions. It's hard for me to tell the story of Bangladesh yet.

One thing is for certain, after living in Bangladesh I won't be the same. I'm sure people who live in a developing country say this sort of thing all the time...but for me I think it will be true, or at least I hope it will be true. This year has produced more questions than answers about the way this life works, the nature of God and his relationship with us as human beings...the cycle of poverty and injustice. I came to Bangladesh wanting adventures and wanting to learn what life was like on the other side of the world. I wanted to shake up my theories of life. I wanted to remember why I cared about issues of justice. I wanted to get away from North America and hear the sounds on the other side of the world. I wanted to listen to the stories of those who were experiencing the things I only briefly skimmed over in the newspaper as I ate my cereal and downed a cup of coffee before rushing out the door in the morning.

My theories of life have been shaken up, but the more I am here, the more I am realizing that a place is a place is a place is a place is a place. People here are like people everywhere. Sure, it looks different; all the fruit shops with neatly arranged apples and hanging grapes, men sitting inside, beckoning me to come, "Sister, Sister, Asho..." The hundreds of colorfully decorated rickshaws on the roads, bells ringing, telling people to get out of the way, the women in Burkahs, hidden away in their own little black boxes. The smell of Hindu incense. The day laborers in their plaid lungis, shovels in hand, waiting to get picked up to go to work in an attempt to get some money so they can eat as well as feed their family. The amazing fabric and color combinations that take extrodinary imagination. The little kids right outside the Mission that I see everyday playing cricket-- daring eachother to say hello to me. The call to Prayer, whining, "Allah, Akbar" coming from the mosque next to the Mission, mixes with the Bell we use to remind us it is time to pray. On the surface it looks and smells and sounds different. Underneath all that, though, everyone's just trying to make ends meet. Babies are still being born and the sun is still coming up each day. Or at least we are all counting on those things.

And while I seem to have gotten used to life here, my experience as a single, not-terrible- looking, white, Western woman tells me that people, especially men, have not gotten used to me. I think this has been the hardest part. In Muslim culture, men are not supposed to look at women, they are not supposed touch women, they are not supposed to make comments to women. If a woman is not dressed modestly enough, if her orna does not cover her chest completely, it is her fault that she has drawn attention to herself and has invited inappropriate comments or the like. Segregation on buses and trains, in church, and around the table is normal. Men on one side, women on the other. Marriages are arranged by the parents.

My experience with the men in this place has been incredibly negative. They think that I, as a woman from the US am like the movie stars they watch on their dish network TV, wanting sex with any random man all the time, anytime. They think that it is somehow appropriate to yell sexual comments in my direction, grope me in crowded markets, hiss and leer at me while I walk down the road. They take pictures of me using their mobile phone cameras. It pisses me off.

Here, women are not respected, they are cooped up in their homes, cooking and cleaning, they get locked inside by their husbands. They do not have much say in their career choice, if they get to have one at all. They are forced to wear burkahs and baggy salwar kameezes to hide their curves, to prevent men, besides their husbands, from becoming attracted to them. Women are paid less for the same work, they are not seen outside in tea shops. There aren't even women's bathrooms anywhere. Many young women are married off at the age of fourteen or fifteen. This is their reality. They do not have a voice.

Obviously, my own experience has been dramatically different, growing up in the US. I can celebrate being a woman with a body that looks like a woman's body, I can choose how I spend my time, I can choose if I marry or not, I can study things I am interested in, I can stay out late with friends listening to music without being seen as a "woman of the night", and (gasp) I can even have male friends. It is hard to explain these differences to people here who just have no context to understand it.

Living with the Sisters has been a good good thing this year. These are women who have decided not to marry. They get to travel the world. They are proud to be women. They have made a decision to serve God and humanity with all they have. They take a vow of Poverty, Obedience and Chastity. They live in Community with eachother so well. They take care of orphans and widows and teach poor kids how to read. They do it with out a hint of pride. And if they knew I was saying all this they would be very embarassed. They have become my best friends this year. It's taken time and many adjustments on everyone's part; and as the Scale of Time is tipping in Home's direction, I am becoming more aware that I will miss them and will have to come back at some future point. They already made me promise I would, actually. I have learned from them how to show hospitality and what kindness to strangers looks like. I have been able to ask questions about how to continually have compassion and not burn out (their continuous answer: prayer), how to love those who seem unloveable...... All while having fun and laughing alot, and not taking themselves too seriously.

33 days....

and i just have to say

that somehow my blogger account turned from english to chinese. it's all in characters. i have no idea where anything is or how to change it back. i do not read chinese. and i don't exactly want to learn for the sake of this blog account.



help?

and why chinese and not bangla? i feel like i'm in alice in wonderland, digitally.

Around Mymensingh

This is Rico and I. I am never quite sure if he is going to kiss me or bite me. He has epilepsy, so he is really strong from having so many seizures and tightening up his muscles. He enjoys going for walks and is really sweet.

yes, I took a rickshaw in this....
Russel and Elenor by the river. Elenor lives and works with the boys at Ashinir. She's great and it's been good talking with her lately.

I've been spending time at L'arche teaching english to some of the voluteers as well as just hanging out. Bangladeshis are good at relaxing. There is always time for tea...too much rushing around drives me crazy after a while, it's nice to not need much planning over here and have ample time to chat and relax. I think I will be pretty surprised about the pace of American life when I come back.

I've been teaching some of the sisters how to type and use the computer. Two of them are heading to the Philipines to start a community there, and are trying to learn as much as they can before they go. I remember when we got our first computer, but it's hard to imagine not knowing how to use one, as well as where to start teaching them. Yesterday we started with how to turn it on. That's as good as anything, I guess.

This morning I went over to the Monastary for prayers, I hadn't been there yet, so Sister Florence invited me to go with her. A different order of Sisters, Carmelites, live there. Only 2 go outside. The rest stay hidden away. During prayers this morning there was a wall separating them from the rest of the Sisters (and me)...they sing really nicely, and someone plays the viola, but I have no idea what they look like.

Weekends in Dhaka...

Rain...rain....more rain lately. the thunderstorms are amazing. The other night Reba and I were on our way back to the guest house in a CNG (golf cart like thingie) and water from the road was up to the floor boards and seeping through the roof! it was a riot. Later, the rain was so strong I just took a shower in it on the roof top.

MCC women: Reba, Ethel, yours truly
Me, Alana...at her goodbye party...Alana has been working for CRWRC for 4 years and is heading home to the US around the same time as me. It's been fun playing a bit of Dutch Bingo with her this year. She had a farewell-you-must-wear-a-sari-party. fun was had by all. good hummus too.

Weekends in Dhaka are nice. They are relaxing, and usually contain not eating white rice, going to coffee shops. (we just found one w/ good coffee AND good music), going grocery shopping for things Mymensingh doesn't have, meeting up with Dhaka friends, seeing fellow MCCers, and sleeping in an AC room.

This weekend Reba and I got Mehendi (Henna) done, and I pierced my other nostril. so now I can wear a giant gold hoop from one to the other.

ha ha, just kidding. I did pierce my ear again though.

At the salon there were many brides to be getting all painted up, wearing gorgeous saris, with sequins and elaborate beading. There are many many workers at the salon. And haircutting is done by the lower classes. They really only have two styles here: Long and longer. Being foreigners, we sort of drew a crowd, especially when I was freaking out a little about my ear piercing, but what else is new?

I am listening to the rain, and trying to finish this before the current goes out again.

peace to you all....