I've been here in Mymensingh a month. It would appear to be the same as before but it is not the same. I have a couple of small daily committments: learning bangla and practicing bangla. The rest of my time goes to relaxing via music, reading, laughing, talking, making stuff and pondering lots of things or going to the MCC office to read the newspaper and drink tea. (and distract Reba, who actually has work to do) Or I stop by Darren's place or wander around Mymensingh. It feels pretty normal to do these things, I am at home here. Whatever home means, I am feeling it today.
I am not quite so exhausted at the end of each day from the outpouring of emotional energy it takes to be new and to have my world turned upside down. I am learning what I need and how to make that happen, or to be okay with things just spilling out and accepting fact that I am not in control. It is amazing how much more I understand international students at Calvin or immigrants of any sort coming to a new land to establish a home. I know and I have no idea.
Some days here I wish I was back home reminiscing about Bangladesh and not actually still living here, and other days I forget that this is not how my life always was. Somedays the staring and comments leave me hostile, other days I have patience and realize they are just curious....some days I need to get away, retreat and can't find a place, other days I don't notice the million people that are in Mymensingh. Some days I notice the beggars, other days I am too focused on not getting attention that I do not even see them. Other days I have an outpouring of empathy and emotion for the girl without legs begging for food right on my way to my bangla lesson.... Sometimes this place feels so old and foreign, and today it feels like any city I know in NA would: noisy, honking, pollution, people, poverty, beauty, laughter, smoking, food, fun, antics waiting to happen....(there just are not any houses with great front porches on which to listen to the rain)
For sure, being here is not what I expectected, but I do not want my expectations to dictate how the year will go.
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2 comments:
this was a beautiful thing to read and made me cheer inside with recognition of the same thoughts and feelings here in a different part of asia
learning a language brings you into a strange world of stress over the actual learning, but quite an incredible schedule, eh?
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